Disclaimer: this article is purely a piece of heartfelt emotions with no intention to seek any sympathy of any kind from anyone. At the same time, my heart goes out to the millions like me out there. Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental .:)
From mermaid to dolphin - a journey!!!
When we are kids we are taught about shapes. The young innocent mind thinks that only square, triangles, circles are shapes...but then we grow up!
Same happened with me, I grew up and the understanding of shapes took a different dimension altogether...the way life shapes up... the way relationships shape and the shape of relationships in my own head.
Young newly married girl....in her prime...yes i was like thousands of other girls in that age.
Life- so far so good.
I always wanted to be a mother but never knew that absence of it will come at such a huge cost. I always thought one decides to get pregnant and one gets pregnant. But then reality hit me, I realised that its a maze and before you realise you are so entangled in it that escaping is impossible.
I started going for tests, ultrasounds....mind you this went on a repeat mode for a decade!!! LH over FSH, FSH over LH, progestrone, HSG,ovulation, estrogen,follicular monitoring, iui, ivf....I heard these terms so many times that I now consider myself a gynaecologist without a degree.
Undergoing procedures after procedures, my body was tuned to pain now. But wish this pain was only physical. The pain, the void and the vacuum that the heart had now begun to feel was beyond expression.
Seeing kids playing in the park, watching mothers picking their kids from school, colleagues talking about their kids growing up.... and here I was who had nothing to add to the conversation, I began to go in my own shell.
My life was restricted to clinics and hospitals. Showed to the best of the doctors in the country. Took all possible line of medicine....from allopathy to ayurvedic.
Suicidal thoughts started coming in and it was then that I told myself that I must take charge of my life. I told myself ....there is a world beyond babies, life has so much more to offer.
Took me eleven years to prepare myself and accept the fact that it is ok if it doesn't happen to me .
And as they say, life will throw a new surprise when you are in acceptance with the current situation. And here I was standing in front of my husband with a positive pregnancy test.
Disbelief, shock....i don't know what....but all that i remember now are those tears rolling down our eyes.
I began to change shape!!!!!
Yes, completed my journey from a mermaid to a dolphin.
From mermaid to dolphin - a journey!!!
When we are kids we are taught about shapes. The young innocent mind thinks that only square, triangles, circles are shapes...but then we grow up!
Same happened with me, I grew up and the understanding of shapes took a different dimension altogether...the way life shapes up... the way relationships shape and the shape of relationships in my own head.
Young newly married girl....in her prime...yes i was like thousands of other girls in that age.
Life- so far so good.
I always wanted to be a mother but never knew that absence of it will come at such a huge cost. I always thought one decides to get pregnant and one gets pregnant. But then reality hit me, I realised that its a maze and before you realise you are so entangled in it that escaping is impossible.
I started going for tests, ultrasounds....mind you this went on a repeat mode for a decade!!! LH over FSH, FSH over LH, progestrone, HSG,ovulation, estrogen,follicular monitoring, iui, ivf....I heard these terms so many times that I now consider myself a gynaecologist without a degree.
Undergoing procedures after procedures, my body was tuned to pain now. But wish this pain was only physical. The pain, the void and the vacuum that the heart had now begun to feel was beyond expression.
Seeing kids playing in the park, watching mothers picking their kids from school, colleagues talking about their kids growing up.... and here I was who had nothing to add to the conversation, I began to go in my own shell.
My life was restricted to clinics and hospitals. Showed to the best of the doctors in the country. Took all possible line of medicine....from allopathy to ayurvedic.
Suicidal thoughts started coming in and it was then that I told myself that I must take charge of my life. I told myself ....there is a world beyond babies, life has so much more to offer.
Took me eleven years to prepare myself and accept the fact that it is ok if it doesn't happen to me .
And as they say, life will throw a new surprise when you are in acceptance with the current situation. And here I was standing in front of my husband with a positive pregnancy test.
Disbelief, shock....i don't know what....but all that i remember now are those tears rolling down our eyes.
I began to change shape!!!!!
Yes, completed my journey from a mermaid to a dolphin.
